Evolve-Co Coaches Blog

Resources for Coaches Building Their Business
Tags >> self-esteem

THIS SERIES HAS BEEN CANCELLED

Are you tired of tinkering around with your "holistic hobby"? Your first step to turning your practice into a viable and sustainable business is to register for this series of free teleseminars.

You must register to be on the callregister to be on the call (s). You only need to register once. You will then have a spot on all three calls.

  • Monday, June 7th, 2010 ::: Blogging, Social Networking, and Giving Evening Intros [tech and talks ::: how to acquire prospective clients with free, valuable content and authenticity]
  • Monday, June 14th, 2010 [Designing your extended and comprehensive offering sustainable change and financial sustainability)]
  • Monday, June 21st, 2010 [Evolutionary Sales ::: Turning Initial consultations into results]
Register for the new and evolved version ::: v3.1Register for the new and evolved version ::: v3.1 of the 3 Components to Build and Maintain a 6-figure Practice.

---

There are only a few components successful coaches and practitioners must integrate into their practice to turn it into a business. At the same time, you can be “doing” these things, and still be unsuccessful unless you have the necessary techniques and ethical tactics incorporated into the components.

Not just the “how” but “how specifically”.

In this free tele-seminar discover:

  • The 3 Necessary Components for Building and Maintaining a 6-Figure Practice
  • 7 "Tricks of the Trade" including :::
    • 4 strategies successful coaches and practitioners engage in on a regular basis to maintain their practice
    • 3 critical techniques to turn your initial consultations into results
  • The Number 1 Mistake that Practitioners and Coaches make in their marketing strategy and their copy writing
    • [and it’s solution]

 

Three Mondays, beginning Monday June 7th, 2010 @ 7pm Pacific. Use this linkthis link to register for the call(s).

This from a former student :::

"Jason McClain is the real deal. His personal life story makes the stories of both Tony Robbins and Christopher Howard look like happy-go-lucky children’s books. He has been quoted as saying, 'if I can be happy and successful anyone can'.

"He built a 6-figure practice from scratch with an intangible service ::: “Personal EvolutionPersonal Evolution”. Something no one wakes up in the morning and thinks they need or looks for. His success was as a result of the incredible efficacy of the system he developed by trial and error." -M.D.

A system I will hand over to you in this talk. Fine-tuned, and streamlined.

"I believe that right now is the time for the Evolutionary Professional™. The emergent agent of change integrating purpose and wealth; doing well as a result of doing good-- integrating universal spiritual principles and free market economics. I understand that the more of you I empowers to be successful, and have a full-time practice that is thriving, the better off the world will be.

Evolving the planet one client at a time is great, but it is horribly inefficient. *laughing* Let’s accelerate the process together."  --Jason D McClain

--

Acquire knowledge from one of the most broadly educated minds in the coaching business always innocently irreverent, funny, affable, approachable, and obviously committed to serving you by delivering dense value in his talks, expect the tips you will learn in this evening to bear immediate and lasting fruit in your business and in your life.

Be sure you have something to take notes with: and feel free to submit questions before hand. Space is limited to 99 participants for each call. So grab your spot now.grab your spot now.

----

Oh--and to get a free trial, for what I think is the best teleseminar service out there--that allows you to call on people by name, "pass the mic" to them, and create break-out groups if you are leading a tele-class or series of tele-seminars, and a bunch more super cool technology to make your life as an entrepreneur easier and your business thrive with more profitability, click HEREHERE.

Rumor has it, they will be adding webinar/screen casting functionality soon, too.SHHHHHHHSHHHHHHH.

 

 

In Service and in Evolution,

jason.the.mcclain™

Share/Save/Bookmark

::: Update: the audio from this call is now available below :::

Monday, May 24th @ 7pm Pacific. You must registerYou must register to be on the call. If you have already registered for the series, you are good to go. No need to register again ...

And ... take a moment to consider ...

What if you could count on a prospective client signing an extended package with you when you see them in person? When I say, "count on" on mean--with 95% certainty?


As a holistic practitioner, you are sensitive to dynamics that do not feel right and you truly want to be of service to your prospective clients. You correctly want to make sure they never feel pressured.

And they never should--they do not need to be.

At the same time, if you have been in business for yourself for any length of time, you have come to realize that if you do not assist them in overcoming their concerns and their fears or limitations in thinking, you will never be able to assist them in realizing the life they have always wanted, dreamed of, and perhaps have come to you to assist them in finally achieving. In a sense, this is your first test as their coach, guide, or service provider in the helping industries.

Are you going to let them leave with those limitations intact? Or are you going to expand their world ever so gently?

The reality is, if you do not have financial sustainability, you will not be able to serve for very long before your own concerns of thriving and prospering come into play.  In a word, you need to
learn to SELL--but sell without compromising your values of service, contribution, and ethics...

Many talk about using initial or "free" consultations to sign clients, but few know how to set these up to turn them into results. How to systematically use your communication before hand, setting context, and being so effective in the session with your guidance that the results end up being inevitable ::: you can begin to count on the client signing the agreement taking the gueswork out of our business, your financial life, and increasing your confidence exponentially.

Other distinctions I will be including in the evening :::

  • How to be so effective in your question flow that "closing" them or "overcoming their objections" becomes unnecessary--as a result of how your being of service.
  • The three steps to opening the relationship [signing the client]
  • How [and why] to sign the client without ever giving away free services
  • How to sell without ever selling
  • How to integrate permission-based selling in to your sales system

Monday, May 24th @ 7pm Pacific. You must registerYou must register to be on the call. If you have already registered for the series, you are good to go. No need to register again ...


I will be taking questions live on the call. So
be therebe there--or be a hypotenuse.

Smart solo-preneurs and entrepreneurs know that one good idea can mean the difference in tens of thousands of dollars for your business. I have several IDEAs for you. Register for the call by clicking HEREHERE.

Oh--and to get a free trial, for what I think is the best teleseminar service out there--that allows you to call on people by name, "pass the mic" to them, and create break-out groups if you are leading a tele-class or series of tele-seminars, and a bunch more super cool technology to make your life as an entrepreneur easier and your business thrive with more profitability, click HERE.

Rumor has it, they will be adding webinar/screen casting functionality soon, too.SHHHHHHHSHHHHHHH.

In Service,

jason.the.mcclain™

Share/Save/Bookmark

Are you tired of tinkering around with your "holistic hobby"? Your first step to turning your practice into a viable and sustainable business is to register for this series of free teleseminars.

You must register to be on the callregister to be on the call (s):

 

  • Monday, May 10th, 2010 [tech and talks ::: how to acquire prospective clients with free content] Featuring a
    Social Media and email marketing expert [audio now available here ::: ]

  • Monday, May 17th, 2010 [Designing your extended and comprehensive offering sustainable change and financial sustainability)]
  • Monday, May 24th, 2010 [Evolutionary Sales ::: Turning Initial consultations into results]
Register for the new and Evolutionary versionRegister for the new and Evolutionary version of the 3 components to build and maintain a 6-figure practice.

---

There are only a few components successful coaches and practitioners must incorporate into their practice to turn it into a business. At the same time, you can be “doing” these things, and still be unsuccessful unless you have the necessary techniques and ethical tactics incorporated into the components.

Not just the “how” but “how specifically”.

In this free tele-seminar discover:

  • The 3 Necessary Components for Building and Maintaining a 6-Figure Practice
  • 7 "Tricks of the Trade" including :::
    • 4 strategies successful coaches and practitioners engage in on a regular basis to maintain their practice
    • 3 critical techniques to turn your initial consultations into results
  • The Number 1 Mistake that Practitioners and Coaches make in their marketing strategy and their copy writing
    • [and it’s solution]

 

Three Mondays, beginning Monday may 10th, 2010 @ 7pm Pacific. Use this linkthis link to register for the call(s).

 

Audio from the less evolved (from the past month) version of this series of calls:

 

The Overview [March 15, 2010]:
Creating Your Offering [March 22, 2010]:
Turing Initial Consultations into Results [April 5, 2010]:
Talks and Technology [April 26, 2010]:

___

 

This from a former student :::

"Jason McClain is the real deal. His personal life story makes the stories of both Tony Robbins and Christopher Howard look like happy-go-lucky children’s books. He has been quoted as saying, 'if I can be happy and successful anyone can'.

"He built a 6-figure practice from scratch with an intangible service ::: “Personal EvolutionPersonal Evolution”. Something no one wakes up in the morning and thinks they need or looks for. His success was as a result of the incredible efficacy of the system he developed by trial and error." -M.D.

A system I will hand over to you in this talk. Fine-tuned, and streamlined.

"I believe that right now is the time for the Evolutionary Professional™. The emergent agent of change integrating purpose and wealth; doing well as a result of doing good-- integrating universal spiritual principles and free market economics. I understand that the more of you I empowers to be successful, and have a full-time practice that is thriving, the better off the world will be.

Evolving the planet one client at a time is great, but it is horribly inefficient. *laughing* Let’s accelerate the process together."  --Jason D McClain

--

Acquire knowledge from one of the most broadly educated minds in the coaching business always innocently irreverent, funny, affable, approachable, and obviously committed to serving you by delivering dense value in his talks, expect the tips you will learn in this evening to bear immediate and lasting fruit in your business and in your life.

Be sure you have something to take notes with: and feel free to submit questions before hand. Space is limited to 99 participants for each call. So grab your spot nowgrab your spot now.

----

Oh--and to get a free trial, for what I think is the best teleseminar service out there--that allows you to call on people by name, "pass the mic" to them, and create break-out groups if you are leading a tele-class or series of tele-seminars, and a bunch more super cool technology to make your life as an entrepreneur easier and your business thrive with more profitability, click HERE.

Rumor has it, they will be adding webinar/screen casting functionality soon, too.SHHHHHHHSHHHHHHH.

 

 

In Service and in Evolution,

jason.the.mcclain™

Share/Save/Bookmark

The audio for this call is now available. I had a heckuva head cold, so you will need to bear with me on the voice and the general stuffiness, but we covered everything I wanted to cover, and the questions from the participants, were, as always, incredibly high quality questions. Great call.

Here 'tis :::

 

Monday, April 5th, 7pm Pacific. You must registerYou must register to be on the call.

What if you could count on a prospective client signing an extended package with you when you see them in person? When I say, "count on" on mean--with 95% certainty?

As a holistic practitioner, you are sensitive to dynamics that do not feel right and you truly want to be of service to your prospective clients. You correctly want to make sure they never feel pressured.

And they never should--they do not need to be.

At the same time, if you have been in business for yourself for any length of time, you have come to realize that if you do not assist them in overcoming their concerns and their fears or limitations in thinking, you will never be able to assist them in realizing the life they have always wanted, dreamed of, and perhaps have come to you to assist them in finally achieving. In a sense, this is your first test as their coach, guide, or service provider in the helping industries.

Are you going to let them leave with those limitations intact? Or are you going to expand their world ever so gently?

The reality is, if you do not have financial sustainability, you will not be able to serve for very long before your own concerns of thriving and prospering come into play.  In a word, you need to learn to SELL--but sell without compromising your values of service, contribution, and ethics...

Many talk about using initial or "free" consultations to sign clients, but few know how to set these up to turn them into results. How to systematically use your communication before hand, setting context, and being so effective in the session with your guidance that the results end up being inevitable ::: you can begin to count on the client signing the agreement taking the gueswork out of our business, your financial life, and increasing your confidence exponentially.

Other distinctions I will be including in the evening :::

  • How to be so effective in your question flow that "closing" them or "overcoming their objections" becomes unnecessary--as a result of how your being of service.
  • The three steps to opening the relationship [signing the client]
  • How [and why] to sign the client without ever giving away free services
  • How to sell without ever selling
  • How to integrate permission-based selling

 

Monday, April 5th, 7pm Pacific. You must registerYou must register to be on the call.

I will be taking questions live on the call. So be therebe there--or be a hypotenuse.

Smart solo-preneurs and entrepreneurs know that one good idea can mean the difference in tens of thousands of dollars for your business. I have several IDEAs for you. Register for the call by clicking HEREHERE.

Oh--and to get a free trial, for what I think is the best teleseminar service out there--that allows you to call on people by name, "pass the mic" to them, and create break-out groups if you are leading a tele-class or series of tele-seminars, and a bunch more super cool technology to make your life as an entrepreneur easier and your business thrive with more profitability, click HEREHERE.

Rumor has it, they will be adding webinar/screen casting functionality soon, too.SHHHHHHHSHHHHHHH

 


In Service,

jason.the.mcclain™

Share/Save/Bookmark

[Originally written in August 2008]
Many people have read this piece and encouraged me to post it publicly. So, by popular demand... It is an email I posted to a client near the end of their completion of the Personal Evolution Program, and in it I address a need for approval, ego development, the purpose and motivation for personal evolution...and the distinction between self-worth and value, and more... Your self-worth is a settled matter if you will accept it as such. Enjoy.

::: :::

Now back to you.

I was thinking about the approval thing. But first--you have come a long way. So stop, take a deep breath, turn around towards the sunset and enjoy the vista. You deserve it. 
"The mountain we climb in Personal Evolution is a bit like a mirage while hiking/climbing a mountain. You could stop now and camp for the night--or say, "forget this", it and go back down the mountainside. Buuuuutt, you can also see there is a reachable summit. So you choose to go further--yet...when you reach what you thought would be the summit, there is yet another summit that materializes out of the mist. And this goes on forever. There is no omega point except when you choose to simply stop and rest. 
Each of us have that choice every day. For some, we still consciously choose to continue to deepen our depths--and plumb just behind them. There is no end or bottom to the depth, there are only unplumbed depths. For others, they have achieved a high enough peak, that there is no motivation--no real life reason--to climb the next.  And there are others I will not list in the interests of time. I choose--consciously--to evolve further when I should or must--that is when my business or financial or relational results are inhibited by some aspect of myself. Otherwise, I am pretty darned content with where I am at-BUT I still need to have constant attention on where I need to be for others in the context in which I want to move with greater velocity--or frankly, sometimes, ANY velocity. 
I urge you to make the same or a similar real world criteria as you become more and more comfortable with you you are...and as you come to full acceptance of yourself, there is a pitfall of not caring what others think--and disregarding their feedback. Care what others think in practical terms--and care deeply--as it fosters results. Do not care about their opinions and judgments of you on a personal level. That is--think about the practical results and adjust, but know that as an internally validated man, the matter of your self-worth is settled. The question of the value you bring to people and the world in this context or that context, well, that is never settled as it depends on too many variables [each individuals expectations and sensibilities, your skill and competence in the domain, your sensitivities/awareness when adjustments are needed, market forces, etc.]. But that is a separate practical matter. 
The personal: your self-worth, is a settled matter. It is...well, pick your preference/metaphor: it is good. It is priceless. It is worth-full. It is Spirit manifest. It is divine. 
As for the seeking of approval-that is obviously pretending as if your worth could be determined externally. It can not. Whether you realize it yet or not, you still have to accept the opinion of others--good, bad, right, wrong--to have their opinions matter. In other words, you have the ultimate choice still--even if you are not exercising it to as full a degree as you will enjoy in the future. 
But why even do this work? What does it make possible? Why spend the time, energy, and the--at times--grueling work of dis-identification, detachment, and internalizing validity when you notice it as external? Why forgo the feel good and the short term false ego pump of compliments? 
 In a word: Freedom. Freedom from what? 

Freedom from the ebbs and flows of the opinions and judgments of others. Why is this important? So you can gather feedback, without the moral and emotional cloud of personal meaning. Here is the challenge with tying your valuation to another's opinions: you are not only cast about from one end to the other, AND the problem with that is that people react from and interpret through their stage of egoic, emotional, and values meme stage of development. There will be patterns and probabilities, and all feedback is valid for them, but there is only so much contorting you can engage in, and stay sane and centered, and more importantly, live authentically--true to yourself.
Additionally, believe me, as someone who has had people tell me I am a god [literally] on more than one occasion and at times, had people tell me I was an a**hole and the devil's spawn [literally] I came to realize that no matter what they say, the truth is somewhere in the middle, and their acknowledgments and their judgments are worth only one thing: getting specifics around those experiences [I did X Y and Z in A context and they felt B emotion as a result] for the purpose of adjusting my behavior for improved results. 
Their characterizations are worthless except as crude pointers to their stage of development because, again, we interpret through and react and respond from our stage of development And even then, I have to gauge how valuable it is -- determined solely by how large a percentage of people are at that stage and would react/interpret the same way. 
All feedback is valid--and everyone's emotional experience is valid as it is and to be left untouched unless requested otherwise. However, not all feedback is valuable
Now, what I can not say is where the line is between the idea that they are responsible for their own emotional experience--and you are not--and where you are responsible for your impact on others and the results you garner. That is a line I have yet to determine for myself after nearly a decade of inquiry. I do know that I tend to move more and more towards having room for the emotional reactions I create in others-sometimes by simply walking through the room, or making a benign comment about my schedule, or not noticing someone in a room I am in--having space for that and having them feel valid without my trying to adjust their experience is a skill I am still developing and only in the last year and a half feel fully competent at. And I get it right about 65% of the time. 
Circling back--the thing to remember is that you are already determining your own worth, by agreeing or disagreeing with those who assess you as good/bad or some variation. You still have to buy into their perspective. And since you are the ultimate decider, decide now, that irrespective of the value assessments they are making and the validity of the feedback, the matter of your self-worth is settled. 
We were told a lie as children--something about original sin. It is more accurate to say we were born with universal innocence. And imagine, the preciousness and the innocence of a blameless child. At your core...that is you irrespective of any behaviors that are not aligned--YOU, at your core, are precious and pure, and have a hologram of divinity that you are reflecting and projecting. 
 To think otherwise is an error--a mistake--and nothing more. 
In Service and in Evolution, 
Jason
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Part 1 is here. Part 2 is forthcoming.

The final variable in your personal equation for success is Will. The Will To Carry It Through.

 

Even if your thoughts are aligned, your actions directed appropriately, and all other factors are in alignment and in support of your desired outcomes, if you lack the will to carry it through you will fail. AND you will fail in the worst way—as a result of your lack of will; something entirely under your control and an aspect of your very own making.

 

To be blunt: a function of your character.

 

That’s tough for people to absorb.  They will want to look outside. As if the locus of their responsibility somehow lies outside of themselves. Somehow belongs to another. Somehow it is a matter of circumstance whether they succeed or fail. AND while it is certainly easier to blame outside forces, people, elements, and /or circumstances, there is no power in that. There is no way for you to learn and shift and adjust. You end up hobbling your own growth, development, and professional evolution for this short-term comfort. And you sell out your short-term success and achievement.

 

Even if it is true, you give all of your power to succeed over to the ghost of blame. The apparition of an outside locus of responsibility.  You lose your ability to adjust to the new information that you are being presented with.

 

In addition to that, there are multiple metaphors that speaks to what it takes to succeed often simply being about endurance—about will and the will to “finish the _________ .” the fight goes to the last man standing. The race goes to the runner who simply finishes.  Etc., etc., ad nauseum infinitum.

 

“The same is true when we begin a marathon race. We may start out with enthusiasm because our energy level is high, but we must then run the race with endurance to reach the finish line. Some race to reach the line in first place, other runners’ motivations may be more personal; their goal is simply to finish.” --Harry Connor Jr--Harry Connor Jr

 

It is that last 2 percent. The will to carry it through despite the obstacles. Most people quit at 98%. Most quit the game just before they are about to win. They lose their commitment to the game in the 4th quarter—and then the underdog produces an upset.

 

AND there will be obstacles to bringing your IDEA into the world. They will include but are not limited to

 

  • You think your IDEA is original and you find out it is not. At all.
  • Naysayers
    • People will tell you are crazy or your IDEA won’t work
    • You may be ridiculed in the press [or lied about]
    • Your friends or family may think you’re insane. Sometimes literally. Other times figuratively.
    • Small-minded folk may want to see you fail out of envy or out of shame around their own lack of success, etc. [not “true friends”, in my book, but make your own choices there]
  • You’ll discover platforms or technology you’ve invested in aren’t working as expected or not working at all for the intended purposes that had you invest in them in the first place
  • Distractions in your own life

 

 

If you are to bring your IDEA into the world; if you are to manifest your vision as a reality “in the firmament”, as they say; if you are to bring it from an IDEA to concrete reality, you must let nothing stand in your way. That does not mean to run them over or blast through them—your actions and the way in which you overcome them still must be ecological in this sense ::: they must be “good” in Self, Other and Community, and for the World/Nature. However, you must go over, around, under, and as a last resort, through the obstacles to achieve your goals.

 

The most important obstacles are distractions. These are entirely under your control. They are the function of a mind that lacks discipline. They include but are certainly not limited to :::

 

  • People [friends, romance, etc.]
  • Experiences and desires for experiences
  • “Opportunities” that seem like a good IDEA

 

 

I could go on and on about how these things can, do, and might distract you, but really there is a solution that covers the bases :::

 

Whatever you choose to do, make sure it is in alignment with your vision; make sure it serves. Be it a relationship, a lover, a partner in business, collaboration, a financial opportunity, or a new business venture.

 

Say no to the rest so you can say yes to the best. AND in this case, the “best” means your own, personal vision for what you want to bring into the world.  For your future. You’re your own achievement and satisfaction. For the fulfillment that comes from contributing to the world in a positive way.

 

For the Good. For the True. And for the Beautiful.

 

I understand—and have experienced personally—that means you will make tough choices. You will have to say no to very compelling experiences. AND it is critical to your success.

 

You must have the will to carry it through to success—or to a dignified, rational end—as the only viable option. The only acceptable outcome.

That does not mean to be pig-headed when you are wrong or you are headed down the wrong path or run up against an obstacle. Quite the contrary; it means adjusting with flexibility, fluidity, to new information conditions in service of the outcome. It means having a fixed outcome, but a variable, flexible approach. You may know what you will bring into existence, but the how may have to adjust.

 

That also means constantly integrating feedback—no matter how harsh it may be or how neutral or how numerical—or frankly, how personal. Some people will attack you personally. Trust me. Ad hominem attacks are all too common.

 

You will endure.

 

Eye on the prize. AND by “prize”, I mean bringing your good and beautiful gifts to the world in a way that serves the good of all. That is true for most. And is personally fulfilling for you.

 

 

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Thoughts + Action + Will = Your Dream/Vision Becoming a Reality

 

There is much discussion about what it takes to be successful—and what it takes to be an entrepreneur. What it takes to succeed at owning your own business. Or stated differently, what it takes to “manifest” your vision in the world.

And while many people try to emulate personalities, rather than systems—which is a sure-fire way to fail—and there are certainly tangible, unique characteristics that have a Steve Jobs or a Barak Obama, or a _________________  succeed, there are those that want to sum it up to “luck” or “chance” or “connections”. Or “timing”. Or, “that is just them”.

While there is a certain amount of all of those that will aid one in bringing their vision into the world—they only help.

Even without those additional “helpers” we have a huge amount of latitude and control over the degree of our success—and even whether we succeed—or not; and to what degree. And often the successful management of the following aspects can assist those helpers in appearing and happening as if by “magic”.

 

There are three components or ingredients to having your vision become a reality

1. Thoughts  2. Action  3. Will [The Will to Carry It Through]


Thoughts

 

So many people reduce this to the Law of Attraction only, and worse, want to have you believe you have already earned your success somehow—before you have actually produced anything or taken any action. Essentially before you have produced anything of value to others in the world.

I reject that wholeheartedly.

While the Law of Attraction is critical—and demystifying it equally so—so that you understand not only that it does work, but also why and how—it is not the only way to manage your mind that is critical. There are others seldom talked about.

Because I cover this at length in my Outcome Inevitability audio and I provide my clients and those who are members on the coaches site have access to—and also on the free Evolutionary Sales podcasts on iTunes—and others have done so as well…

Because of that, we will leave that in this writing and go to the meatier subjects :::

 

Thoughts ::: The inspired IDEA

You must have an idea. It does not have to be original. However, it must be at the right place in the “curve”. In other words, it has to either be a proven business model but not yet saturated in the market—or it can be new, but the technology and the market must be there to support the idea. AND it must not be on the sloping end of the curve—an idea that is making a lot of money now, but whose course has nearly run out or is about to end.

One of the greatest skills an entrepreneur must have is the ability to accurately perceive where the market is headed. There is no replacement for this skill. It means the difference between great success, failure, or middling success—and likewise great profits, or great losses. And while an entrepreneur knows that “failures” can be the sharpest learning opportunities, they can be costly, and well, let’s face it—less fun.

 

Thoughts ::: Deeper Meaning | Purpose

Additionally you must be able to tie it to deeper meaning. You’re not just creating a cool product or service—you are improving the lives of others—and ultimately making the world a better place somehow. You are serving humanity itself in some deep, meaningful way. Even with a small piece of software. Or a coaching offering. Or a new convenience appliance.

This will be your inspiration when you need to create or inspire others assisting you in making your vision a reality—and it will be your life preserver in the rough seas, should they come.

Remember it. Say it to yourself. Keep it in your mind’s eye. Feel it fully.

 

Thoughts ::: Your Beliefs About What is Possible

Do you believe your success and the success of the venture is inevitable? You may need to adjust, sure, but keeping vigilance over your thoughts about success and possibility. The most powerful way to do that, that I suggest to all of my clients at some point is to discard the binary thinking; the either/or thinking ::: the question is not “will I succeed or not”, or “will this endeavor be successful or not”, the question is  ::: how? How will we make it successful? Or “what will it take”.

The very question itself provides a solution is answered.

Even while reframing the disempowering questions, simply watch out for your self-talk or internal dialogue. Not necessarily to change the thoughts—although that is powerful—but additionally to notice those parts of you that may have valid concerns.

Some of them will be rational, valid concerns. Others—not so much. It is the irrational thoughts—the thoughts that are negative about the future with no real basis in reality or your personal history, that we want to reframe. The rational doubts should be addressed and honored—while still keeping your eye on the prize so-to-speak.


Thoughts ::: Your Belief In Your Worthiness

This aspect of your internal thoughts and beliefs is perhaps the most important underlying psychological factor. Do you feel you deserve to be successful? That you are good enough to begin the business, and be successful at it—and to reap its rewards?  This aspect of esteem for yourself—very different from whether you feel you can do it, are effective enough to do it, have the skills to do it—but do you deserve it. is your self worth such that it can contain the hundreds of thousands if not millions of dollars you may make from it.

If not, self-sabotage may be lurking.

Often I have clients who are playing a “big game”. They want to solve global problems. They want to serve humanity. AND they say to themselves, “who am I to XYZ.” I ask them who are they NOT to. Who are they to keep their gift from the world.

While that is a nifty little shortcut, the doubt about whether you are “good enough”—or the certainty you are—or whether you deserve it or not—will mean the difference between your success being inevitable, or self—sabotage on the other end of the spectrum.

And on that note, there is simply no replacement for healthy esteem for the self.

In the following weeks, we will cover the other two components in your success equation ::: Action and Will.

In Service,

 

Jason The McClain-Ness

 

Part 2 can be found HERE. Part 3 Can be found HERE.

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"Ego" has fallen on such hard times, particularly in the West for precisely the same reasons that are implicit above: most people seldom develop beyond stage 1 or 1.5 with their own ego, and since that stage of egoic development gets all the press, as it is loudest and most offensive to the senses, and most people are intuitively [and rightfully so] hesitant to talk about stages, as sadly most people use it to imply superiority in the context of worth, we engage in false reductionism  and label all "ego" as bad.  In that moment we engage as well in a bit of self-hatred [we must] and create internal dissonance [again, necessitated by our thinking] and yet, if ego is the very seat of our consciousness, there is no way to "annihilate" or "transcend " our ego. To attempt to do so is tantamount to philosophical suicide.

And there is insurmountable evidence proven by plenty of studies, from Dr Graves to Kolberg to Gilligan that these waves of unfolding are bigger in terms of how much they can contain and the number and breadth of what they can relate to; from ego-centric to ethno-centric to world-centric.

So, we can not truly or actually transcend it or annihilate it. However, we can evolve it.

So...what about stage 2? Stage 2 is not the vengeful ego, but an egoic consciousness focused on Justice. And stage 3 would be focused (or have a center of gravity around) or be Grace-centric and world centric. It is also often quietest--yet energetically "largest" or "Brightest". Think of the force of the ego of Mother Theresa. Imagine her penetrating eyes. The light she must have been in the room. Meek only in the traditional quiet voice sense, but radical Spirit manifest; hardly meek in the egoic sense.

And if we consider that, sweeping aside our preconceived notions about what the word ego usually means in our popular culture, and we begin to get a grasp onto that very upward spiral we all inherently must climb as we ascend or deepen in our own developmental paths, we see the truth.

At this point you may be asking what the heck this has to do with being in business for yourself?!

Let's look at self-esteem.

We use Dr Nathaniel Branden's definitions that self esteem has two equal and necessary parts or components: knowledge of your efficacy [knowing you are competent and effective enough to handle what life throws at you] and your self-respect, or the feeling that you deserve to be here and have a good life; that you are "appropriate to life". We could think of these two components as: your value (in the marketplace) and your worth (your divinity); your negotiated worth and your unquestionable worth; that which can be developed and improved and marketed and that which is unquestionably priceless. Your guilt [the feeling that we did a thing that was in violation of our own value set as Mr Mark Michael Lewis states] and our nervous system is more activated to be sure we do not do it again] and our Shame [the extra move of then judging ourselves as worthless or "bad" at our core as a result.

You must begin to understand that most have their value and their worth collapsed. This is why we engage in shame: we confuse our efficacy with our worth; our finances with who we are at our core; our social reputation with our divine nature. But your self-worth is a settled matter-no matter how much you attempt to outsource it to others and give them the apparent right to pass judgment on you and determine your "worth". At the end of the day, you have to agree or disagree with them to feel into their judgments.

No one can truly impact your self-esteem positively or negatively without you first giving them permission. Period.

Otherwise, we would call it "other esteem". Heh.

I have yet to find someone going into business for themselves for the first time who did not suffer unnecessarily from questions of worth, self-doubt, and/or inquiring "who are they to X, Y, Z.".

Who are you not to? Who are you to keep your gifts from the world? To make that global choice? That is the chilling question.

But on a more practical level, your self-esteem, or your level of egoic development in the healthy sense, will determine how quickly you rebound from negative and unexpected results. It will determine how well you are paid in relationship to how much value you offer others in their lives-and how easily you ask for what you are owed. It will determine how quickly you adjust and adapt to current fluctuating market conditions. It will determine how easily you accept and incorporate feedback. It will determine how easily you can admit errors and move on...

All necessary attributes for a thriving solo-preneur. All necessary attributes for you to thrive in a freer market economy. All questions ignored, stepped over, or only [if forced to] embarrassingly addressed by most courses in small business or even in courses like our CLC. Questions that in the Coaching the Life Coach program we spend an entire module on-and we do it first. Until these errors in thinking, as well as flashpoints in our past are addressed and resolved to a certain degree, teaching you how to build a business will only increase your anxiety and create internal dissonance.

And that would be...well...unkind.

Action steps:

Make a decision today to ask yourself these two questions any time you get results that are unpleasant or unwanted, and could be blamed on another external force, albeit the government, the market at large, your target market, or even God/dess Almighty her/himself:

1.    How am I responsible?
2.    What can I learn [that is positive or empowering; what structures can I put in place to resolve it?]

The first question may be hard to swallow. Good.  You will need to expand your sense of who you are to answer it honestly and usefully. And remember: responsibility does NOT equal fault or blame. Those are separate matters. Take this practice on and you will begin to evolve your ego.

Why?

Because to be able to step into a world-centric life or spiritual purpose, developing an ego that is large enough to take that on without internal questions of doubt and worth is essential for your happiness and your internal harmony. Both things which, even while stretching and challenging you, I hope these writings will increase.

In Service,

Jason D. McClain

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[This article requires a general understanding of developmental stages in egoic, emotional, or moral developmental models, distinguished by researchers such as GravesGraves, KohlbergKohlberg, Gilligan, etc.]

There is often talk in developmental, transformational, and alternative communities about how polyamorous and/or “open” relationships are more “evolved”. More evolved than…say the conventional forms of monogamy and marriage.

This is an easy trap to fall into, as poly- relationship forms are certainly post-conventional. There was a time when I agreed with this thinking. I used to think polyamory [distinct from what I often see which is “poly-sexual”] was the more "evolved" as is it beyond traditional structures [trans-rational and post-conventional] and by its very nature requires, and often demands advanced communication skills, a solid sense of self, a lack of attachment and more spontaneous and flexible structures than monogamy.

Plainly put—it is more challenging. But that is if it is played clean, which is all well and good on paper...but how often are poly- relationships played clean and played well? Well, not often. In my experience, they are sometimes a morass of jealousy, fear, anger, heartbreak, etc.

Additionally, the truth is, monogamy requires other sets of skill development which while different, are equally as challenging. AND monogamy requires all the aforementioned sets of skills and development if it is to be done well and stay alive and thrive. That is to say, high self-esteem and a solid sense of self, advanced communication skills, and agreements between the parties that allow for play and spontaneity as well as growth and evolution within the relationship itself. So...my thinking has since shifted.

In my experience, we cannot assess depth and evolution, using any developmental stage conception, based on form and be accurate very often. Just using the simple three-stage model I often employ of pre-rational or pre-conventional, rational or conventional, and trans-rational or post-conventional, we can see very quickly that the idea of form does not map across to any stage or level. Here is the crux of my current thinking.

We can all experience monogamy from a pre-rational, rational, or trans-rational place. And we can all experience poly- from a pre-rational, rational, or trans-rational place. In other words, form does not map across to stage of evolution with any real predictability of accuracy. Simultaneously, we can all be drawn towards one form or another…or another, as the result of our stage of development, but again, it is no guarantee which form we will be drawn to.

The key is in what the individual motivations are for seeking any particular form.

To briefly and quickly flesh this out with some big picture generalizations: we could be drawn to monogamy out of fear and attachment—a need to “stake my claim”, or out of a need to have the illusion of safety and security a monogamous commitment provides [pre-rational], or out of a desire for a practical partnership and solid family structures for children We want to have [rational], or out of a desire to explore my depths with one person as a spiritual practice for the remainder for my life [trans-rational].

On the other end of the form spectrum, We may choose poly- out of a desire to get laid as much as possible with as many people as possible [pre-rational], or out of an acceptance that We feel more aspects of myself when reflected in intimacy with more people and that better suits me [rational,] or as an expression of being Spirit at play--as an outgrowth of my experience as a spiritual being and out of a desire to explore freedom, spontaneity, and love of all sentient beings in a consensual and limitless way [trans-rational].

So we can not claim anything with respect to form of the relating being more or less evolved. Of course I wish it were simpler, but assessing evolution depends on each individual, how they are experiencing the relating and what their motivations are for being drawn to one form or another to actually assess evolution. Having tried all forms, including marriage, I like all forms for different reasons. But that is just me.

The question to ask is not which form is more evolved, but rather--are you choosing the form consciously? Are you clear about your experience of the relating and the motivations for your desires or draw to the form? Are you evolving consciously in the form of your choosing? These questions we can answer. Unfortunately, the question of which form is “more evolved” than another is a slippery slope that can easily fall into a trap of superiority and ego-centric musing.

And no one wants that…consciously.

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