Given the generosity of this Community and your desire to good in the world, some of you may be wondering which cause you should contribute to this Holiday Season.

Yet, we are left with a conundrum :::

With large organizations, regardless of their stated principles, there is always a challenge
dealing with overhead, administrative costs, and general efficiency of your donations.

Sadly, this makes many of us hesitant to give. And rightly so.

Which has me looking for causes where there is a minimum of administrative costs. Where there is a real translation between the dollars we give and the good it
will do.

What if you knew about a place to donate to remove all the layers between you and the actual difference you were making? What if you were assured you could make a difference immediately, NOW direct to the cause?

Meet the cause :::
http://www.yestomiracles.com/

Watch the video on that page and watch the one on this page:
http://www.yestomiracles.com/bio/

and read the story. I met this woman on the trip to LA attending a fund raiser with Destin Gerek, and while not knowing who it was for, we walked in and even with her back to us,
I *FELT* she was the brightest light in the room.

She was the only one I was interested in meeting--and requested so.

Imagine my surprise that the fund-raiser was for her.

Regardless of your beliefs, beliefs system, or relationship to the holidays, if you are not moved to tears by this woman and her path...well, let's just say if you are alive, and you watch this woman's videos you should be moved to give to her cause.

I beg of you to do as your heart dictates.

And if your heart dictates, visit the links and hit the "donate" button. Any amount--large or small--will help.

In Service and In Evolution,

The McClain-Ness™

Rapport is one of those things which you either have or you don’t. And if you don’t have it you can manufacture it, create it, literally produce it out of thin air - if you know how. We naturally seek rapport and affinity with others, and not always because we want something tangible like money, a contract or recognition. Sometimes it’s simply, or not so simply as the case may be, acceptance and acknowledgement. But when we looking for a reward, rapport as a tool does pretty nicely. Up to a point.

When I was learning the techniques of pacing, matching and leading I was taught that it was ideal for situations when you needed to get onside with a client pretty quickly. This, I thought, was great. Then, it turned out, because time was short, I needed to contrive the situation and the feeling in order to get an outcome. This was not so good. My problem was the incongruency I felt. Particularly while I was teaching the tools of rapport at a seminar one day, and I’d just finished telling them how important trust and the spirit of service was in a business. I didn’t entirely convince them that time (because in my heart of hearts I wasn’t either) and I haven’t taught another rapport class since.

But that’s about to change. Because what I’ve come to understand is that I can be congruent through and through- from the inside to the outside, as a business woman, and as a spiritual human being. That what I value and how I am in terms of my virtues, can be consistent in every context, and on every level. Otherwise how could I be of true service (the adjective, not the noun) if I’m only prepared to connect outwardly, holding back the best part of me from myself and the client? How does anyone really grow doing that?

Virtues are those things by the way that are universally recognisable as aspects of character, traits and principles of moral excellence, cross-contextual.  Values on the other hand are those things we deem important to us, the desirability or worth of a thing- individual and culturally defined, context specific.

Until Jason mentioned it the other day on the call, I hadn’t consciously worked out how to clearly define it for myself. Here’s where I am with all of that and I started by chunking up, and then across...

As the world rapidly changes –even as I write- and as we are (reluctantly) propelled towards a more global consciousness we realize that no country is an island; what affects one affects another. On the micro level the principle is the same; we are connected, “the fruits of one tree and the leaves of one branch.” Ever noticed by the way how your clients often mirror some of the same issues you have? We’re already past the beginning of the end of our old ways of thinking especially as we confront personal, business and world-wide challenges within the context of an ever-evolving civilization. How then do we deal with this transition and evolution and move from the rather perfunctory tool of rapport to something more durable, trustworthy and congruent?  (while still accepting that time, as always, plays a role; and that we have objectives we  also wish to fulfil?)

Love, I’ve decided is the answer to resolving the congruency ‘stuff’.  Because if you desire to open and maintain a relationship that really serves and contributes something more substantial and meaningful, has integrity and a deep fulfilling connection with every cell of being, arises naturally and without artifice then love is the state and condition required.  Unconditional love that is not particularly concerned with time, or outcomes, goes beyond acceptance and romantic or physical attraction, and surpasses whether or not they serve your purposes or give you anything in return. You serve them and treat them as you would yourselves- and in some cases, inadvertently, better than you might treat yourself. This is the kind of rapport that's is switched on in the background, isn’t manufactured, doesn’t get turned off (maybe a little) and is (as much as we practise it) natural, immediately available and inspires trust. A time-saver? For sure.  A stretch? Absolutely. Risky? Not at all.

If we begin by loving and valuing others as much as ourselves, then service will unsurprisingly take on a greater dimension, and rapport too no longer becomes the mechanical tool we knew and practised but will, in and of itself, arise without being contrived. And as we head towards unity and new and greater levels of thinking then love will become a more natural, and necessary, extension of our own self-expression and service-in-goodwill.

By all means you deserve and should receive a reward and recognition for your services but go in there with a greater offering to your client- really be of service, and do it with love. It’s the most natural magnet there is. They’ll notice it, see it, feel it, hear it. Love presupposes the relationship is open anyway so think it, feel it and be it. And see where it takes you.

[This article requires a general understanding of developmental stages in egoic, emotional, or moral developmental models, distinguished by researchers such as Graves, Kohlberg, Gilligan, etc.]

There is often talk in developmental, transformational, and alternative communities about how polyamorous and/or “open” relationships are more “evolved”. More evolved than…say the conventional forms of monogamy and marriage.

This is an easy trap to fall into, as poly- relationship forms are certainly post-conventional. There was a time when I agreed with this thinking. I used to think polyamory [distinct from what I often see which is “poly-sexual”] was the more "evolved" as is it beyond traditional structures [trans-rational and post-conventional] and by its very nature requires, and often demands advanced communication skills, a solid sense of self, a lack of attachment and more spontaneous and flexible structures than monogamy.

Plainly put—it is more challenging. But that is if it is played clean, which is all well and good on paper...but how often are poly- relationships played clean and played well? Well, not often. In my experience, they are sometimes a morass of jealousy, fear, anger, heartbreak, etc.

Additionally, the truth is, monogamy requires other sets of skill development which while different, are equally as challenging. AND monogamy requires all the aforementioned sets of skills and development if it is to be done well and stay alive and thrive. That is to say, high self-esteem and a solid sense of self, advanced communication skills, and agreements between the parties that allow for play and spontaneity as well as growth and evolution within the relationship itself. So...my thinking has since shifted.

In my experience, we cannot assess depth and evolution, using any developmental stage conception, based on form and be accurate very often. Just using the simple three-stage model I often employ of pre-rational or pre-conventional, rational or conventional, and trans-rational or post-conventional, we can see very quickly that the idea of form does not map across to any stage or level. Here is the crux of my current thinking.

We can all experience monogamy from a pre-rational, rational, or trans-rational place. And we can all experience poly- from a pre-rational, rational, or trans-rational place. In other words, form does not map across to stage of evolution with any real predictability of accuracy. Simultaneously, we can all be drawn towards one form or another…or another, as the result of our stage of development, but again, it is no guarantee which form we will be drawn to.

The key is in what the individual motivations are for seeking any particular form.

To briefly and quickly flesh this out with some big picture generalizations: we could be drawn to monogamy out of fear and attachment—a need to “stake my claim”, or out of a need to have the illusion of safety and security a monogamous commitment provides [pre-rational], or out of a desire for a practical partnership and solid family structures for children We want to have [rational], or out of a desire to explore my depths with one person as a spiritual practice for the remainder for my life [trans-rational].

On the other end of the form spectrum, We may choose poly- out of a desire to get laid as much as possible with as many people as possible [pre-rational], or out of an acceptance that We feel more aspects of myself when reflected in intimacy with more people and that better suits me [rational,] or as an expression of being Spirit at play--as an outgrowth of my experience as a spiritual being and out of a desire to explore freedom, spontaneity, and love of all sentient beings in a consensual and limitless way [trans-rational].

So we can not claim anything with respect to form of the relating being more or less evolved. Of course I wish it were simpler, but assessing evolution depends on each individual, how they are experiencing the relating and what their motivations are for being drawn to one form or another to actually assess evolution. Having tried all forms, including marriage, I like all forms for different reasons. But that is just me.

The question to ask is not which form is more evolved, but rather--are you choosing the form consciously? Are you clear about your experience of the relating and the motivations for your desires or draw to the form? Are you evolving consciously in the form of your choosing? These questions we can answer. Unfortunately, the question of which form is “more evolved” than another is a slippery slope that can easily fall into a trap of superiority and ego-centric musing.

And no one wants that…consciously.