Rapport is one of those things which you either have or you don’t. And if you don’t have it you can manufacture it, create it, literally produce it out of thin air - if you know how. We naturally seek rapport and affinity with others, and not always because we want something tangible like money, a contract or recognition. Sometimes it’s simply, or not so simply as the case may be, acceptance and acknowledgement. But when we looking for a reward, rapport as a tool does pretty nicely. Up to a point.
When I was learning the techniques of pacing, matching and leading I was taught that it was ideal for situations when you needed to get onside with a client pretty quickly. This, I thought, was great. Then, it turned out, because time was short, I needed to contrive the situation and the feeling in order to get an outcome. This was not so good. My problem was the incongruency I felt. Particularly while I was teaching the tools of rapport at a seminar one day, and I’d just finished telling them how important trust and the spirit of service was in a business. I didn’t entirely convince them that time (because in my heart of hearts I wasn’t either) and I haven’t taught another rapport class since.
But that’s about to change. Because what I’ve come to understand is that I can be congruent through and through- from the inside to the outside, as a business woman, and as a spiritual human being. That what I value and how I am in terms of my virtues, can be consistent in every context, and on every level. Otherwise how could I be of true service (the adjective, not the noun) if I’m only prepared to connect outwardly, holding back the best part of me from myself and the client? How does anyone really grow doing that?
Virtues are those things by the way that are universally recognisable as aspects of character, traits and principles of moral excellence, cross-contextual. Values on the other hand are those things we deem important to us, the desirability or worth of a thing- individual and culturally defined, context specific.
Until Jason mentioned it the other day on the call, I hadn’t consciously worked out how to clearly define it for myself. Here’s where I am with all of that and I started by chunking up, and then across...
As the world rapidly changes –even as I write- and as we are (reluctantly) propelled towards a more global consciousness we realize that no country is an island; what affects one affects another. On the micro level the principle is the same; we are connected, “the fruits of one tree and the leaves of one branch.” Ever noticed by the way how your clients often mirror some of the same issues you have? We’re already past the beginning of the end of our old ways of thinking especially as we confront personal, business and world-wide challenges within the context of an ever-evolving civilization. How then do we deal with this transition and evolution and move from the rather perfunctory tool of rapport to something more durable, trustworthy and congruent? (while still accepting that time, as always, plays a role; and that we have objectives we also wish to fulfil?)
Love, I’ve decided is the answer to resolving the congruency ‘stuff’. Because if you desire to open and maintain a relationship that really serves and contributes something more substantial and meaningful, has integrity and a deep fulfilling connection with every cell of being, arises naturally and without artifice then love is the state and condition required. Unconditional love that is not particularly concerned with time, or outcomes, goes beyond acceptance and romantic or physical attraction, and surpasses whether or not they serve your purposes or give you anything in return. You serve them and treat them as you would yourselves- and in some cases, inadvertently, better than you might treat yourself. This is the kind of rapport that's is switched on in the background, isn’t manufactured, doesn’t get turned off (maybe a little) and is (as much as we practise it) natural, immediately available and inspires trust. A time-saver? For sure. A stretch? Absolutely. Risky? Not at all.
If we begin by loving and valuing others as much as ourselves, then service will unsurprisingly take on a greater dimension, and rapport too no longer becomes the mechanical tool we knew and practised but will, in and of itself, arise without being contrived. And as we head towards unity and new and greater levels of thinking then love will become a more natural, and necessary, extension of our own self-expression and service-in-goodwill.
By all means you deserve and should receive a reward and recognition for your services but go in there with a greater offering to your client- really be of service, and do it with love. It’s the most natural magnet there is. They’ll notice it, see it, feel it, hear it. Love presupposes the relationship is open anyway so think it, feel it and be it. And see where it takes you.
